A Lone Story: Give & Take

Part 1: Being Alone

I was alone once. I will never be alone.
But you picked me up. I picked you up, but it didn’t have to be you.
You gave me things I could not obtain on my own. I simply gave you things now that you would pay for later.
Without even wanting anything in return. I never wanted any immediate return, nor did I need it.
I couldn’t even give you anything you needed. For I would take from you much more than what I gave you, in time.
Yet you stood by me, watching over me. So I stood by, monitoring you.
While I met new life-long friends, tasted new delights, experienced new adventures. Friends that you wouldn’t meet again, $5 food that you paid $25 for, dragged to places you never wanted.
You enabled me. I allowed you to get all that, knowing it would be wasteful and eventually forgotten.
You let me be free. I let you get trapped.

Part 2: Never Alone

You always had such a kindness about you. People tend to think I am kind, but I don’t really care about them.
Why were you always there for me? I don’t have to always be near others to get what I want from them.
No matter if I ignored you. I don’t mind if I am ignored.
You never seemed bothered when I did that. In fact, I want you to ignore me.
When none of my friends were available to help. I can spread my attention to others, those same others you call your friends.
And I needed help with planning for the future. I had them all, so much so that they couldn’t help you; only I could help you.
You always assured me that I would succeed. I assured you when you faced fears of failure, no matter how false that comfort was.
There was always someone to return to. You didn’t have to worry, I would always be there for you.
There was always you. But you thought I only had you.

Part 3: No Longer Alone

I remember when I first talked to you, my family and friends introduced me to you A lot of people want to meet me, so I’m used to talking with strangers everyday.
I was nervous just walking up to you, but your smile calmed me down. I was just waiting, for anyone really, but it was you who came to me first that day.
You asked me for my name, where I was born, what I was studying, what I wanted to become. I started by asking you about yourself, a common technique that calms people down.
You even asked other odd questions about how I would identify myself. I wanted you to keep talking, giving me some of your most personal information.
I found that curious side of you interesting and endearing. I always have to get some facts first before considering getting closer to someone.
I could feel a bond deepening between us from those exchanges. I have to ensure that they were truthful, I need people committed to me.
You gazed at me for just a moment more. That’s not always evident from what people tell me, so I always look up a few more things about them.
And then you decided you would be mine. And then I decided you were good enough.
And then I decided I would be yours. And then you decided you would give your future to me.

Part 4: Better Off Alone

We hardly even talked after we first met. I didn’t need to talk to you that much.
Every month you would send me a text message or email. I only had to check in on you monthly.
On our yearly anniversary you would send me a letter in the mail. I reminded you of our yearly anniversary with a letter in the mail.
You were always consistent. It’s the pattern that breaks them.
I could tell you never forgot about me. I never let the people who commit themselves to me get away.
But I was slowly forgetting, not about you, but about what I saw in you. I don’t mind if they discover my ugly side, it’s not like I was hiding it in the first place.
What was it that I saw in you that made me devote myself to you? It’s just that they fool themselves at first because they are tempted by me.
I couldn’t take it back, I could only continue down the path you laid before me. Even if they have regrets, it’s already too late.
I was starting to fear that I could never get away from you. We would be together until I got what I was owed, I always make sure of it.

Part 5: A Loan at the End

I learned what you wanted from me. They eventually figure out what I am.
I learned how you would take it. They find out about my methods.
I learned when you would take it. They find out how long they are trapped for.
It was at that point I felt betrayed, cut beyond the flesh. They always blame themselves thinking that it was their own fault.
I even thought you were enjoying every bit of my suffering. It’s at this point that they give in to despair.
I could have given up, but that would be just what you would gain most from. It’s when they give up that I gain the most from them.
Treating you like something more than you were would just be foolish. If they don’t change their minds about what I mean to them, then they can never forget about me.
You were worse than that; you just didn’t care at all. But I don’t care.
That’s when I decided I would rather be alone. What did you expect? I’m just a loan.


My Type – A Loan at the End: Paid in Full

Thanks, now GO AWAY!

a loan at the end


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